I’ll never forget him.
He sat in the farthest chair from the front of the room, arms crossed tightly, forehead furrowed, and skepticism etched across his face.
On Day 1, he challenged almost everything I said. At first, I found it refreshing—at least he was engaged! But soon, the energy shifted. His skepticism became heavy, and his constant questioning slowed down the learning for everyone else in the room.
On Day 2, he became determined to redraw every participant’s Leadership Circle Profile using raw scores instead of percentiles. He took issue with how the instrument’s graph displayed results. If you’re familiar with this framework, you may have seen this pattern before—a response rooted in needing to feel in control, to be seen as right.
By Day 3, the consequences of his approach were unmistakable. His colleagues had quietly moved their chairs away from him. They avoided eye contact, avoided engaging with him, avoided him.
I felt so sad watching this unfold.
Because it didn’t have to be this way.
The Protecting Strategy: When Leadership Becomes a Barrier
What I was witnessing was a classic example of a leadership strategy called Protecting in action.
When someone operates from Protecting, they’re driven by a deep need to be seen as competent, intelligent, and unshakable. On the surface, it looks like confidence. But underneath? There’s often fear. Fear of being wrong. Fear of being exposed. Fear of vulnerability.
Here’s the heartbreaking irony:
The more someone grips tightly to being right, the more others pull away.
Instead of fostering trust and collaboration, Protecting creates walls. It makes people feel unseen, unheard, and undervalued. And when this happens, something profound is lost—not just for the person exhibiting this pattern, but for everyone around them.
Because leadership, at its core, is about connection.
How Did It Get This Way?
It’s easy to write this man off as difficult, defensive, or resistant. But I want to be clear: this behavior doesn’t emerge in a vacuum.
Somewhere along the way, he likely learned that being right was the safest way to navigate challenges. Maybe he was rewarded for being the smartest person in the room. Maybe vulnerability was punished in his professional environment. Maybe failure wasn’t an option in the spaces he’s occupied.
These patterns are deeply ingrained, often built over years—sometimes decades—of experience.
But here’s the hopeful part: Patterns can be shifted.
From Separation to Connection
The path forward isn’t about asking someone like him to stop being intelligent, stop being sharp, or stop bringing his insights forward.
It’s about shifting the energy.
From needing to prove to being curious.
From dominating the space to inviting others in.
From separation to connection.
It’s a small but profound move, and it doesn’t require someone to fundamentally change who they are. It’s about creating just enough space to let others in—to invite their voices, their perspectives, and their contributions.
This shift is where true leadership begins to take root.
The Cost of Staying Stuck
The truth is, leadership patterns like Protecting aren’t inherently bad. In fact, they often develop because they’ve worked in the past. They’ve helped people survive challenging environments, rise through the ranks, and establish authority.
But when they become the default—when they become rigid—they cause harm.
And the cost isn’t just to the team or the organization.
The cost is personal.
The man in my workshop didn’t get what he truly wanted or needed: connection, respect, and meaningful collaboration. And, as one person reflected after I shared this story, “Everyone else knew it—and he was alone. No joy. No idea. Ouch.”
The Invitation
If you’ve ever recognized pieces of yourself in this story—if you’ve ever felt that subtle (or not-so-subtle) disconnect in your interactions—this is your invitation.
It doesn’t have to stay this way.
The shift from separation to connection is not about abandoning your strengths; it’s about grounding them in presence and curiosity.
This work isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.
Because when leaders show up with connection rather than control, trust begins to flourish, creativity thrives, and collaboration becomes natural.
And isn’t that what leadership is really about?
When you’re ready to take a closer look, I’ll be here.