Shahmeen’s Blog

Greetings! I’m experimenting with different ways to dialogue with you, and so have created my first video blog.  Take a look and tell me what you think:  http://youtu.be/QQ48XieUgu0

Until we join again!

Rumi says, “A thousand half-lives must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.”

A client recently told me that working with me feels “like therapy”. I’ve heard this many times and always recoiled somewhat from the comment. The reference to therapy has felt too soft, not businesslike enough, and certainly didn’t describe the results-oriented image I thought it was important to project.

Of course I powerfully help my clients to create results! However what is different today is the way in which I take ownership of my gifts. There is a “growing up” happening here on multiple levels. Life is urging me to move forward from deeper transparency and truth, which is why I’m sharing what I’m learning with you now.

One truth is that my work does have a therapeutic effect. It invites people to reclaim the entire heart and soul of themselves and their leadership. I’m growing into holding this as something to claim and celebrate, rather than as something shameful that needs to stay hidden.

While I grow up, so does my work. Whereas a focus on strengths and shortcomings (mine and those of my clients) used to be primary, my clients and I are much more interested now in exploring gifts and how to “grow them up” into their most effective expressions. This work both inspires, and is inspired by, our shared experience of being human.

Finally, the structures I use are growing up too. I’ve recently rewritten my entire website to more accurately reflect my offer and approach. More speaking and corporate leadership development engagements are in the works. Most exciting to me today is the launch of my newest offering: Deeper Conversations - a 12-week intensive that brings together years of my own learning, starting in Toronto this March.

This is my whole heart coming home. Letting go of the half-truths is scary at times, but the satisfaction from continuing to embrace and walk into this evolution of my purpose makes it all worthwhile.

What are you noticing as you grow up your gifts?

Until we join again!

I have this habit of underestimating the energy I’ll need to carry out my plans.

Recently I figured I’d need about two weeks to adjust to being a single mother and sole home-owner, then I could travel six times for work in the following two months, and when all of that was done I could prepare for the holidays and host large family gatherings in my home.

Sound familiar?

As you might have guessed, this strategy didn’t work very well. Exhaustion crept over me somewhere around the fourth week in, and no amount of might or force would have me conquer it. I struggled on, valiantly, for a couple of weeks, unwilling to be defeated, until it became clear this was a battle I was losing, big time.

When I finally set my pride to the side enough to admit I needed some help, my own coaches and loved ones reminded me that there was a way out…through. I needed to surrender to a focus on tending to myself with intention and care: eating nourishing food, drinking adequate amounts of water and getting more sleep. I did it all, grudgingly.

My energy is returning now, and with it comes a renewed desire to get out there and get busy. That yearning is what underpinned my passionate writing last time about wanting to serve in a larger context.

While this is all true, what I’m learning is that the best thing I can do right now is to sit still, be in a deeper conversation with myself and with Spirit, and let things assemble themselves into more structure before I act. (In case you think this is easy, let me assure you it is excruciatingly difficult for me…but I’m doing it anyway!)

For those of you who responded with expressions of support and a desire to join together to be this change, know that I was really buoyed by your enthusiasm. I will be in touch with you soon!

For those of you who have personal experience of this dynamic I’ve shared (you know, the one where you over-commit, get depleted, then restore just enough to get moving again, only to deplete yourself again) I invite you to try this simple formula over the holiday season:

Sit.

Have deeper conversations about what really matters with yourself, with Spirit, and with your loved ones.

Take note of any resultant wisdom.

Trust that when the time is right, you will get up and begin moving forward.

Repeat, often.

That’s my plan for the coming weeks.

Until we join again in 2012,

Shahmeen

A man storms into a store, clearly frustrated and very angry. He begins shouting at the staff, accusing them of not serving him, not respecting him and not treating him as a customer. The staff, after repeated attempts to defend against his accusations, tire of being blamed and insulted and call the police to deal with him. The other customers, including me and my children, tense as this all unfolds, then relax as the police arrive and take the man away, leaving us free to continue with our Sunday plans.

This local incident parallels what is happening all over the planet right now.

I’m heartened when those who have been previously silent begin to make themselves heard, provoking a new and crucial global conversation.

I’m frustrated when those courageous efforts deteriorate into larger scale versions of the story above, negating all the good intentions and making it easy to (re)marginalize and disregard each other, without ever addressing the real issues.

I’m saddened by the resultant violence, the killings and the deepening divide between the “haves” and “have nots”, the “authorities” and the citizens, those in power and those who oppose them.

I’m tired of minding my own business to the exclusion of the world, knowing I have something special to contribute that will help, but too hesitant, fearful and in need of permission or perfection before I can walk forward with my offering.

Gandhi said we must be the change we want to see in the world. Today I answer the call, declaring myself and my vision more publicly than feels comfortable, yet doing so anyway:

My vision is that this crucial global conversation take place in a way that leads to healing and sustainable change, rather than a recycling of the status quo.

Here is how I can contribute. I am an exceptional, courageous and solid facilitator, who can co-create with her participants a strong container within which deeper conversations can take place. Deeper conversations where we get clear about what matters most, what we want and how we want it to be in our desired future. Deeper conversations where we dive into our different opinions with genuine curiosity, delve deeply into the anger, the fear and the love, and begin to see places in which we are just like those we criticize, leading us to begin listening deeply and speaking authentically with each other. Deeper conversations where we grow up our gifts of heart, intellect and will in service of our shared vision of something better. Deeper conversations where we come to alignment on our intentions, and commit to doing whatever it takes to bring the shared future we desire into being.

I am deeply committed to this vision, and I offer my gifts in service of it. This is not an individual contributor endeavour; I belong to a global community of people who work in this way, whom I am calling upon to join in.

I don’t know who will take me up on this offer; maybe nobody will. Maybe you’ll laugh at me because I can’t say how the conversations will happen, where they will be held, who will show up to participate or how this will be paid for. Perhaps you’ll scorn me since I haven’t pre-determined the answers to the questions we will grapple with together, and I can’t guarantee the outcomes. All of this is possible.

However, I do know that there are many humans out there, who are yearning to make contact with other humans. This work, these deeper conversations, facilitates the conditions for this contact to be made, and then amazing things happen. Posturing gives way to authenticity, defense melts into trust, and courage blooms from passivity. Things begin to unfold with a unexpected gracefulness, even when our opinions conflict and we can’t figure out or agree on what to do next.

For those who are compelled by this, let’s begin.

For now, I leave you with these wise words:

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it. -Goethe

I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there. -Mother Teresa

For the past two years I’ve been learning how to Bellydance. This beautiful art form has intrigued and captivated me and I look eagerly forward to my lessons, the one time in the week when all thoughts about life and work fall away and I turn my attention to this dance of pure joy.

I’ve had the chance to perform in a few group performances at student recital-type events, however last weekend I elected to do my first solo performance at a small studio event at Hannan’s Belly Dance Studio where I take my lessons here in Toronto. I was the least experienced dancer of all the performers slated for that night.

What you need to know about me, is that despite my extroverted tendencies, I’m pretty inhibited when it comes to expression through the body…which of course is at the heart of any dance form!  So this learning journey has been exceptionally challenging, and rich, for me.  Letting go is fine with the mostly mental work I do - anyone who has worked with me will tell you I’m one of the most open people they’ve met.  However dancing is a whole other story…

I worked with my amazing teacher, Abigail, to create a choreography and practiced for weeks as it took shape and form.  Having a structure and a routine for the dance gave me much comfort as there were no uncertainties - I knew what to do, and when, using the song as my guide. This was a perfect strategy to overcome my dancing challenges!

When the day arrived, I was ready. My entrance was perfect, just how I had planned it.  Still feeling good I took my opening pose and waited for the music to begin. The first segment of my dance included using a veil which I held and twirled as I danced. I was in the zone, having fun, letting go and feeling the beauty of the dance radiating from deep within myself. I dropped the veil as planned and was about to move into the drum solo part of the song when suddenly…the music stopped.

The silence was stunning. The stereo had lost all power! Abigail immediately began fiddling with it to get it restarted while the audience (including some friends and family members) and I stared at each other.  My first thought was that the machine must have gotten unplugged and so I picked up my veil thinking once it got going again I’d start over from the beginning of my dance.

Eventually it became apparent that it wasn’t going to work.  More silence.  I wondered, what is the proper dancer etiquette for something like this?  Should I say something, do something?  So I said something to the effect of, “Well having this experience for my first solo means I can handle anything going forward.” The relief in the room was palpable and immediate as we all laughed together.

Then the artistic director of the studio, Nada, looked at me and said, “We will improvise together.”  A portable CD player was found, some random music was inserted and she joined me at the front of the room.  We danced together - me following her lead (and lo and behold occasionally following my own urges to create my own dance!) and too soon it was all over. I have little recollection of exactly what moves we used but was told it was actually quite graceful. My first solo…devoid of that comforting structure and certainty, yet so very rich on many fronts.

So what’s the link to leadership?

I’m a pretty intentional life-long learner. I want to evolve and develop into a more effective and powerful leader, so I take many intentional actions to ensure I will. It’s easy to be different or better when there is time to assess, reflect, plan and come up with the best course of action.

But I think the real evidence that all this intention is working can be seen in our presence and our responses when something goes wrong.

When the music stopped I didn’t shrink, cringe or cry tears of embarrassment. I had neither bad thoughts, nor any disastrous downward spiral into old beliefs about how I didn’t measure up. Was I surprised? Yes, absolutely!  Disappointed? Without a doubt. But I remained present, hopeful and optimistic, and stayed in the game with a light heart.

It feels like my centre of gravity has shifted so that I can be naturally resilient when something surprising happens. I know now that it is possible to be graceful when dealing with the unexpected, even right there in the moment.  My default response was to assume it would get resolved, rather than to lay blame or be furious at the hand I’d been dealt (both of which are reactions I might have had if this had happened in the past).

For me this is proof that the process works.  I’m talking about the process you’re familiar with if you’ve worked with me: the Deeper Conversation with yourself where you illuminate outdated beliefs and replace them with new stories that work better for you today.  Where your development comes from catching yourself repeatedly in the old act over and over again, and choosing and rechoosing the new with fierce compassion until one day…when the worst that can happen happens…you find yourself much closer to the vision you have for yourself, your work and your life.  And you realize you are much farther away from the old ways that don’t serve you now.  Despite the fact that I work this way with you and myself every day, seeing this in me that day and that way was profound.

The rest of the evening had me in a trance of delight as my fellow dancers inspired us all with their performances. At the end we all danced together - performers and audience alike and I returned home filled with joy.  Exactly what I’d hoped for.

Until we join again!

I have been in a major life transition these past months.  It’s been a complex time of richness: pain, challenges, joy and clarity of vision, all present with me at the same time.  I realized today how long it has been since my last newsletter was published, and have these short reflections to share as I rejoin with you all after this absence. As always, I invite you to consider the truth in these, however slight or great, as you reflect on your own life:

1. I consistently underestimate the amount of energy and attention my journey will require.  I’ve deluded myself with a belief that the decisions I’ve made (as agonizing as the process of making them has been) will unfold without any feeling or emotion on my part.  Wrong!!!  I’ve been consumed these past months by the amount of energy required in order to be present to my current reality.

2. My tendency is to jump ahead to the finish line…the end result or outcome I envision. Although it is useful to know and hold my “big V” Vision, there is a way that my desire for my Vision to be HERE, today, prevents me from being present in the experience along the way.  What I’ve noticed is that things take a lot longer to get done when I’m operating from this perspective.

3. This journey has required a steadiness on my part and a commitment to staying the course.  ”One foot in front of the other” has been a mantra that has kept me grounded and moving forward, albeit slowly, these past months.

4. I have a huge capacity…much more than I ever allowed myself to believe I have.  These past months have been my busiest in terms of work, family commitments and personal/professional obligations.  There is a way in which I have navigated through it all with grace and ease despite the tumultous times I’ve been living through.

Through this time I’ve also had a focus on what is NOT getting done: my book, my newsletter, an update to my website, amongst other things. While these tangibles have not been completed, I do trust that my process has been valuable and will inform these outputs when the time is right.  Watch for my next newsletter that will have more details on how the work of Anjali Leadership is unfolding as a boutique offering, and how this is rooted in the experience of my childhood years in Toronto.

Meanwhile, I want to let you know about a couple of new initiatives that are coming up in the fall.  There are three Deeper Conversations events for professionals who work with organizational clients scheduled in Toronto on September 30, November 4 and December 2, 2011, as well as the co-creation of a video library of extraordinary leaders with my colleague, Carolyn Tilden. Contact me for more information on either of these initiatives.

Until we join again!

This article was inspired by my beloved friend and colleague, Helen, who is recovering from a grave illness, the fearless souls who courageously continue to stand for a new way forward in Tunisia, Egypt, Libya and beyond, and the recent natural disasters in New Zealand and Japan.

Everything is temporary.

Nobody knows how much time they have left, this time around.

We are here to live joyously, to give our gifts freely, and to savour every juicy morsel that life has to offer.

I was on a family vacation last week in the Riviera Maya. We stayed at one of those all-inclusive resorts - not so great if you’re looking for an authentic Mayan experience, but perfect if like me, you’ve got children who who love to swim and run barefoot in the sunshine all day. Each night there was a performance of some sort at our hotel, featuring young people who were there to dazzle us with their agility and ability.

After a few nights I noticed that I was not dazzled.  The performers were technically accurate, some exquisitely so, but for me something was missing. Don’t get me wrong…I have a huge appreciation for the training and discipline that they have no doubt committed to learning their crafts. Yet I was left feeling flat, uninspired and sometimes bored.

Then it hit me. They had function totally covered.  But form was something that was still in development.  Form in my mind is the beauty, passion, essence and grace that shines through when someone is extraordinary in their craft, field or profession. You’ve all seen or known people like this. Their light shines brightly from a place deep within, and their presence leaves you riveted, breathless and more intimately connected to your source (and theirs).

I began to reflect on how this plays out in my own life. It saddened me to realize that while in some parts of my life I sparkle brightly, in other arenas, there is somewhat less expression of my beauty, passion, essence and grace. I am re-inspired and committed to bringing more juiciness to savour in these parts, as I believe strongly that we all deserve to have joy and aliveness in every element of our lives.

When it comes to my work, I’m much further along on this journey. What I’m noticing these days is that my presence is in high demand. I suspect this is because the gift I am offering is unique and powerful: the ability to be in a profoundly deeper conversation with my clients than they report they have ever experienced, based on my willingness to be in this type of conversation with myself.

For some time now many of you have asked me when I will begin to train other leadership development professionals to work in this way. I’ve dipped my toe into this over the past year or so, but have remained content to deliver the work of others (wonderful, powerful work which forms the foundation of this deeper work I’ve been evolving) and to let that be enough. It has all been the perfect set up for what is wanting to emerge and take shape now.

And, like I said earlier, life is short.

So I’m getting started with my own program, entitled Deeper Conversations, with a pilot program this June in Toronto for nine seasoned coaches or leadership development professionals. You will be drawn to this if you appreciate how deeper work with ourselves enables us to do deeper work with our clients…so they can do deeper work with themselves, and bring in more of “the new” that is needed to innovate and create sustainable results that matter today.

Contact me if you’re interested. More details will be forthcoming in future editions of Joining.

Until we join again!

I never considered myself an artist until recently.

When I was young, the focus and the value was on the subjects and interests that make one “smart” such as math, science and other rational disciplines. I played the piano for many years, and when my teacher suggested I pursue a career in music I laughed out loud. How could being a musician come close to the glory and satisfaction of my true destiny: to be a doctor, engineer, or both?

The unraveling of this began with the reality that pre-med and engineering studies and I were a terrible match. This was followed by an accidental career path within the public service which lasted about 15 mostly unfulfilling years. It was only after I was able to hear the message that life had been sending me with increasing volume and insistence that I realized that I, like an artist, had the capacity to create whatever I wanted to create.

The early days of my life as a leadership development professional had me using brute force to create my vision. When I saw something I wanted, I went after it wholeheartedly and with great determination. If the door slammed in my face I’d go away, regroup, then come back with double the energy to pry it open again. Obstacles were largely ignored. Many good things came out of this time of striving and driving, the fruits of which I still enjoy today.

What I’m learning now is that creating doesn’t have to involve such intense energy and effort. As Rainer Rilke says: “Everything is gestation and then bringing forth.” I’m still in the early days of practicing this type of artistry and continue to find language for this as a leadership concept.

The thing that helps me most right now is the centering and grounding of myself (strengthening myself emotionally, physically, and spiritually) so that I can become a more robust “container” to hold the stuff that is rolling around inside of me as it takes on more form and shape. This feels like a more elegant way of operating, although it does require a good amount of faith, particularly when the urge to do something, or make something happen, arises.

For many leaders, it means sitting with the nuggets they uncover during our exploration of their inner landscape, resisting the temptation to “check the box” and move on to immediate action; trusting that the sitting will yield valuable outcomes.

How do you make time and space for your own creations to grow and emerge?

Until we join again…

I ran my first half marathon back in the fall. Going into it, my only objective was to complete the race. However, I had a great run and finished in just under two and a half hours - a respectable time for a first-timer - with a steady pace throughout of about 7 minutes per kilometer.

Since then, I’ve tried to speed things up. Isn’t this what I’m supposed to do? Try to get better so I can run a faster race next time? My strategy was to run 5km without stopping and to try to run a bit faster each time. Unfortunately, this made little difference to the end result: my average pace remained the same.

I received a fancy triathlon watch as a Christmas gift (thanks, Mom), and was delighted to use the interval timer on my latest few runs. I set it for 10 minutes of running followed by 1 minute of walking, trying to ignore the feeling that I was “wimping out” by allowing myself these frequent breaks.

Imagine my surprise at the results. Think about it: if I insert a pause of 1 minute of walking after every 10 minutes of running, what result would this have on my pace? It should get slower, right?

Wrong! My pace was about 10 seconds per km faster. “Must have been a fluke,” I said to myself. So I tried it again, and added 1km to my run to see how it would play out. Again, 6:50 per km.  One more time with an additional 1km…same improved performance. Not only was I faster, those recovery breaks helped me feel better during and after the run.

What does any of this have to do with leadership?

Everything!

Our business culture places a high value on pushing, striving and driving for results. Many of us run our own unique marathons daily: never stopping for fear of falling behind; always pushing to try to create better outcomes. We operate on a false belief that working harder (long hours, head down, keep going, don’t stop, book back-to-back meetings) equals increased results.

When I first suggest to clients that there is a better way, one that yields improved performance with less effort, they look at me like I’m from another planet. How could it be possible to do less, and yet maintain or improve their current results? When I recommend regular team or leadership development sessions they laugh out loud - with their busy schedules they feel there is no way they can spare the time for this.

And yet they quickly learn that they can’t afford not to. This type of regular pause is exactly what’s needed to enhance and improve performance.

Give it a try yourself! Contact us to experience how our powerful leadership development supports you in pausing, and creating results that matter with greater ease and more grace.

Until we join again!

It’s the end of a full and busy year, and I’m in the early days of a time out…a wonderful opportunity to relax and refresh over the next couple of weeks. So I asked myself, if there was just one thing that I wanted to say to my clients, colleagues and friends as we enter this holiday season, what would that be?

The answer came almost immediately: Feast on your life. I flipped to Derek Walcott’s poem: Love after Love, where I recalled reading this phrase. As I re-read his beautiful words, a lightbulb came on for me: I’ve been a rather reluctant supper guest at the table of my own life lately, preferring to be fed by others rather than by myself; settling for what appear to be gourmet restaurant dishes but are actually mostly empty calories compared to the high nutritive value of my own home-cooked meals.

Feast on your life. Wise words for me, for you, for all of us! My gift to you this holiday season is my reflection on this, offered below. I trust you will find some nourishment in this, and in your own feast.  And if you feel moved to share a comment please do so as the blog on the Anjali Leadership website and the Joining Newsletter are now linked, enabling us all to join with each other.

I’ve been working hard for a better balance of energies within.

Validating outcomes through comparisons, feedback and other external metrics.

Congratulating myself on the efforts I’ve made, thinking, “This is what it means to heal.”

I even declared that I would now be exquisitely tender with myself.

How arrogant to think I could instantly live into something so utterly foreign to my ambitious strategies!

In my yearning to be someplace I wasn’t, I acted as if I was there, and made loud, decisive resolutions to be done with the old.

Blinded by the illusion that I could simply snap my fingers and say goodbye forever to that way.

Just when I thought I had made it to the other side, life snapped me back and I contracted even further.

The intolerable emptiness moved into my core and, once I was ready to hear, whispered quietly:

Harsh attempts to propel yourself forward won’t work now.

What’s required is very different; in fact it is what you fear the most:

Stop striving for change and start being it instead. 

Only you can strengthen this container called you. Only you can then fill it. And this time it is to be filled with your own love. 

THIS is what it means to heal.

Wishing you all a delicious holiday season.  Until we join again!